Pizza licensing

GROKLAW asks what if pizzas had the same term and condfitions as Coldplay’s DRM bastardized CD?

COLDPIZZA

THIS FOOD PRODUCT (FP) IS A COPY PROTECTED FOOD PRODUCT

Thank you very much for purchasing this FOOD PRODUCT and helping the cause of “Anti-Piracy”. The components in this FOOD PRODUCT may have anti-eat/anti-reheat function(s). They cannot resold, reheated or stored in unauthorized devices. In order to ensure a high quality food experience, we have added this special technology.

Before purchasing or consuming, please read the following:

USAGE GUIDELINES:

This FOOD PRODUCT cannot be re-heated using an unauthorized FOOD PRODUCT Reheating (FP-R) device, nor can it be converted into smaller slices for food sharing.

You may not, through the use of external implements, alter the size of the FOOD PRODUCT.

The maximum ratio of FOOD PRODUCT portions is limited to no more than 3.14159265 servings per person per purchased item. By purchasing this FOOD PRODUCT, you agree in advance to purchase in sufficient quantity so as not to exceed this limitation.

Only officially licensed and legally purchased ingredients and/or toppings may be used in conjunction with this FOOD PRODUCT. As such, you agree not to alter the finished FOOD PRODUCT by either adding unauthorized ingredients or removing any existing ingredients.

By purchasing or consuming this FOOD PRODUCT you agree not to reverse-engineer the FOOD PRODUCT via disassembly for the purpose of obtaining a list of ingredients or calculating the proportions of same.

By purchasing or consuming this FOOD PRODUCT you agree not to independently produce, or aid in the production of, any similar product, whether for personal or commercial use.

You are licensed only to permit the one-time travel of FOOD PRODUCT through a single digestive system in the conventional direction. Re-ingestion, regurgitation or sharing by yourself or others in any other method is specifically denied.

Should the container FOOD PRODUCT is delivered in be stolen, lost, or discarded your license will be terminated. Transferring ownership of the FOOD PRODUCT box by any means (including waste disposal) will be treated as an attempt to resell FOOD PRODUCT.

Re-distribution of FOOD PRODUCT in any fashion is strictly prohibited.

If your license for FOOD PRODUCT is terminated for any reason, any FOOD PRODUCT remaining uneaten, partially digested, uneliminated, or otherwise unincorporated must be immediately returned at your cost to the manufacturer.

The FOOD PRODUCT may incorporate security features that could monitor your use of this and any other food products. Whilst possible side effects may include in rare cases loss of balance, autoimmune irregularities, intestinal discomfort, gout, obesity or even death, you agree in advance to hold Manufacturer blameless.

This FOOD PRODUCT has been manufactured for usage only in specific FOOD PRODUCT cooking devices and storage containers and might not be usable with the following devices:

• Some FOOD PRODUCT reheaters that have the capability of reheating competing products
• Some microwave heating devices with pre-defined “Pizza” or “Sandwich” buttons
• Any FOOD PRODUCT cookers which operate utilizing Celsius temperature scale
• Some FOOD PRODUCT cookers or reheaters with convection capability
• Some FOOD PRODUCT (FP-R/RW) reheaters designed for use in dormitory settings
• Some portable FOOD PRODUCT carrying containers
• Some serving and/or warming trays
• Some FOOD PRODUCT cleaning devices, such as generic napkins, paper towels or wet wipes-style products
• Some denture products, including partial bridges and unapproved full ceramic teeth replacements

Although you can visually and olfactorally inspect the FOOD PRODUCT, this does not imply that the FOOD PRODUCT can be consumed in all situations. The first time that this FOOD PRODUCT is purchased (either for delivery and/or through the use of a debit/credit card) it will automatically register with the production franchise. In addition, the first time that this FOOD PRODUCT is consumed (not necessarily purchased) it will automatically be registered with the production franchise. Thus, non-competing foodstuffs already registered will not affect eating and purchasing functions.

We retain the rights to all “derivative products” resulting from the use of FOOD PRODUCT, as co-mingled with other products during actual act of consumption (i.e. COLLECTIVE WORKS).

If it should be that the olfactory characteristics of ColdPizza are enhanced in the process of creating said COLLECTIVE WORKS (for example by the unauthorized addition of ColdBeer and CoolBeans), we reserve the right to such olfactory augmentations.

In the event that you should declare bankruptcy, you agree to return FOOD PRODUCT to manufacturer, regardless of current FOOD PRODUCT condition.

By purchasing and/or consuming this and any subsequent products, you agree that ColdPizza may share, disseminate and sell to our partners legally obtained demographic data about you and your pizza eating habits.

ColdPizza is designed to be eaten as is or reheated on top of a computer or laptop running only Genuine Windows operating systems. Alternatively, ColdPizza may be reheated on top of an XBox360 system, but under such circumstances ColdPizza whill not be held responsible for burned FOOD PRODUCT.

ColdPizza may only be eaten by the original owner and may not be shared, either through physical distribution or via services such as ColdPizza Distribution and Delivery League (CDDL). ColdPizza does not support being heated by placing it on a computer or laptop running either the Mac or a GNU/Linux operating system.

Failure to observer all license terms (to which we retain the right change at any time without your consent, approval, or knowledge) shall result in the immediate termination of your license. Any such termination will result in the loss of all rights to FOOD PRODUCT and no compensation will be payable.

Except for manufacturing problems, we do not accept any exchange, return or refund.

Through the purchase, delivery, consumption or through the act of opening the container of FOOD PRODUCT you are signifying your agreement to the conditions and stipulations outlined above.

A copy of this agreement is provided on the inside cover of all authorized FOOD PRODUCT containers.

Enjoy your ColdPizza.

Just say no to Sony

I’m making just one New Year’s resolution for 2006, and it’s a simple one.

I am not going to buy anything made by Sony until their policies change.
This means no to PSP, Playstation 3 or any CD produced under the Sony label. I urge you to do the same. Sony has time and again shown direct disregard for their customers’ wishes by locking their products down to an unacceptable level. The debacle over their handling of DRM trojans in their CDs shows just how little they care about the real wants and needs of the people who buy their goods.

The persistent lockdown of the PSP (an ideal console that could be amazing in the right hacker’s hands) show that the organisation has an intense dislike and distrust of the people who have made Sony one of the richest companies on the planet.

This isn’t about “Intellectual Property” – a bullshit phrase that has all but killed technological advancement – or about “anti-Piracy” (there are good, honest, simple contract laws that cover that) but about profit, and control of that profit.

Sony won’t get a penny of my money again unless it changes into an organisation that listens to it’s customers, promise openness in future and will agree to promote and encourage new and interesting way that it’s products can be used.

Spread the word. Just say no to Sony.

DRM: Destroying the digital

Digital Rights Management is the next big uphill struggle that technology has to face. Electronic media is everywhere, from our digital TV sets and radios to our mp3 players, DVDs and ebooks. These are all new technology, still embryonic in form, and unless action is taken now DRM will cripple their evolution to a degree that may hold back new developments for years to come. As new laws enter the EU and more come into place in the US, it will become increasingly difficult to both develop and promote new software without the spectre of the DMCA and EUCD hovering over the head of new concepts and ideas.

The basic principle of DRM is the belief that the digital media industry in some way has a right to protect “their” products, even after they have been sold. No such right exists in any other industry. A car manufacturer doesn’t use “anti-photograph paint” to stop their competitors duplicating the styling of their latest model, and your car isn’t coded to only allow it to run on certain roads. When purchased, it’s your car. Simple as that. Copyright law exists to prevent competitors from making copies and passing them off as their own, and in any other industry than digital media, these laws are seen as sufficient.

The basic premise is that the manufacturer trusts their customers to use their products in a reasonable way. While anyone could borrow a book from a friend and photocopy the whole content, this rarely happens. Partly it is because it’s inconvenient to do so, but mostly because books are cheap enough to buy your own copy.

Computer programs, DVDs and CDs are sold at artificially inflated prices. The profits of major record labels, film studios and software houses are proof of that. A CD should cost more more than £3, a DVD no more than £5. The duplication costs for the manufacturer is pennies. DRM is nothing more than a method of these companies protecting their profits. Software piracy is economics rebelling against the existing price structure, nothing more.

Instead of the governments being taken in by these companies, they should reject the legislation of DRM and enforce Fair Pricing laws which put the costs to consumers to a more reasonable level. This, not DRM, will end software piracy.

After all, who would buy a crooked DVD when the original costs the same?